So.
This is what it takes to get me out of semi retirement. Or at least a holding pattern until I can be sure my children stop eating fibreglass and setting off fire extinguishers in closets (true story. At least the fire extinguisher part).

Apparently my Goblin Shark has been making the rounds on various sites like i09, reddit, I ****ing love science, etc. 99% of the time uncredited. At first it was pretty entertaining watching people duke it out over whether it was a real fish or not (there's that pedantic sammich holding fist-fight I've always wanted to see. Well not so much pedantic, it is the internet after all...), and I liked the simple fact that people were learning just that much more about our oceans. It's also very flattering and shocking to find out that something I made (me!!) has grown up and taken on a life of its own. I am amazed and flabbergasted. But as of yesterday I do have to admit I started to get annoyed.

It's not so much the fact that I'm not being credited here, it's the fact that there is misinformation being spread, which I kind of hate. For example, someone who has never seen a picture of a real Goblin Shark, may believe the meme stating my handsome fellow is dead. No. He is not dead. He is also not a baby, super old, dessicated, taxidermied, photoshopped, faked, your mother in law/ex wife/former girlfriend, etc. He is, as some astute folks have figured out, paper mache. I made him in my art room with a lot of newspapers, cloth, blood, sweat, tears and gin. And unless the Blue Fairy sneaks in at night to bring him to life, he never has been, and never will be 'real'.
He is a piece of art that I made. I did image searches, I made sketches, I planned him out and then made him. With my hands. And not on a computer. And I am not a vicious beast intent on destroying little-known species in my quest to destroy the Earth (I always knew I had it in me!). Nor am I a photoshop priestess/photoshop nube, jerk intent on fooling people into thinking this is real, murderer, Conservative jack-ass, etc, etc. I am an artist. I make interpretations of things I love. Or at least I do when I'm not reading stories, wiping bums, in Zumba classes, or drinking heavily. Art and scotch don't mix. I can't afford to lose that much blood.

So really, if I was credited with having made Mssr Shark de Goblin, it would clear up a LOT of erroneous statements being made about me and Goblin Sharks in general. Plus, it's polite.

For my friends who are fighting a losing battle trying to get me some credit, and for those who figured out he's a paper mache sculpture I give you this- a picture of me in an apron, on the trampoline with a sprinkler, holding a dessicated baby goblin shark that has been completely photoshopped.

Suck it, Photoshop!

The fabulous Gregangelo and Velocity Circus

“Courtesy of Gregangelo and Velocity Circus, www.gregangelo.com/ photo by www.francescabalaguer.com”

Okay, it's been so long since I posted that I actually forgot how to do it. Which is probably a good thing for the world at large, but HA! Eat it World! I figured it out. At least for the evening. I promise I'll be naked/drunk/purple/fast/lawn clippings.

But what inspired me to make you three suffer is the world's most creative, sweetest, and general awesome-guy, Gregangelo Herrera. While still living in San Fran, he commissioned me to create a deliciously malicious addition for his Pink Room, so between the two of us we came up with a creepy cake that looks satisfactorily caloric on the outside, but remove a piece and you'll find the best diet-aid this side of a trauma unit.

And here is a fabulous piece on Gregangelo's amazing house that you can actually go see in SF. Well worth it! A cool article... and one that just happens to mention a certain Sammy Hagar Haired crazy artist's cakes....

http://thebolditalic.com/SaraFaithAlterman/stories/503-master-of-the-universe

PS Vampire Squid rock. All hail the mighty Vampire Squid!

Yeah, yeah

It's been forever. But that's what happens when you spawn. You think Salmon or maybe Sardines keep up with their blogs during all that mess? I don't think so. Only the ones who are worried what the other fishmoms think do. Well, frankly those other fish can stick it.
Stick it. Get it?

Anyway, in the last year Commander Bad Movie Guy and I spawned Morgan. The World's Largest Man-Baby. And then we moved to Texas. Because it's cheaper here and with the way that Kracken eats, we'd be destitute if still in Vancouver. Actually no, it was for Steve's work. After months of insanity on 'District 9', we needed a change. So.... we moved to Dallas. Yes... quite a change.
We've been watching the Gulf saga and getting more and more depressed at the devastation. We're learning lots about BBQ, fried pies, and fried pickles. And hoping our hearts don't claw their ways out of our bodies. We've learned that Texas has AWESOME bugs and incredible storms. I'm all over the bugs though, they are so cool. I've been hunting for tarantulas, but haven't found any yet. I've seen some pretty amazing Cicada Killers though. Yowza.

Oh and I'm going to be part of an Art and Coffee dealy in August with my fishies. I'll be making something (have no idea what yet) at The Daily Grind in Dallas in Deep Elum. Sometime in the first week? Maybe? I suppose I should find out. If you're going to be around maybe you should find out too. And then tell me.

And no pics today- both computers crashed at the same time and I have no idea if any of my pics were saved on the external hard drive. Being as I haven't checked. Because most of my day is spent feeding Mega Grub and his sister, Flamespout, and keeping him from drowning himself in the toilet.

The Mighty Squid Hat did come out and eat Morgan's head at one point. I have pics somewhere around here....

I made it to You Tube and didn't even have to take my shirt off.

"Cuz fishermen do that"

Oh dear. Here it is- the link to me making a puffer fish.
The sound is a few frames off for some reason, but that's okay because I apparently speak like William Shatner and have a tendency to crush words together so you can't understand them anyway.
The editors were very kind to me and removed some of the things I was the most worried about, but I still managed to look like a 14 year old eyebrowless monkey.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVlaJTIx5XA

As Spock said, "The pain, the PAIN!"

What to do, what to do

I suppose I should post something, it's been a while after all.

I'll post a pic of a Pacific Giant Octopus I did a while ago. Octopuses (yeah, yeah. I know. "Duh, it's 'octopi', you strange fish-making woman with Sammy Hagar hair.")...

Well, Smarty-Pants, according to Fowler’s Modern English Usage, “the only acceptable plural in English is octopuses...". It says something about the origin of the word being Greek, rather than Latin so the classic plural would be 'octopodes' and more commonly, 'octopuses'.
Whatever. I don't care, octopuses are awesome for many more reasons than just starting pedantic white lab-coated discourses (and hopefully fist-fights while clutching half eaten cheese sammiches) between bespectacled scholars over the correct plural form during the lunch break. None of which I'm going into right now because I'm grumpy and don't want to be on the wretched computer at the moment.

Oh, and here's a Nudibranch. Because they crack me up.

Okay, it's not my fault.

I'm just putting that out there.

They made me do it. I really don't smile half as much as that or CHECK MY HAIR before making large ugly fish. Nor do I do crazy camera angles, quite as many bad puns, or have that much junk in the trunk. I was the new mother of a 2 month old when they filmed it. I had to take breaks every once in a while to go feed Maddie as it took about 8 hours to shoot that 5 minutes on screen.
Oh yeah, and here's the big one- I'm really not that much of an idiot! I know, hard to believe. That's the part that scares me the most, and sends me fully clothed, huddled in the fetal position into the shower. I'm terrified I'm going to come across like the World's Largest Idiot- which I am, I'd just prefer less people knew that. And being as I have 2 fans that read this, I'm assuming they don't care, anyway.

What the heck am I talking about?

I'm talking about the filming of my spot on HGTV's "That's Clever". To be shown.... February 5, 2009 at 8:00 am e/p. No publicity is bad publicity.... I hope? Maybe?


Shot almost 2.5 years ago in the dining room of our place in San Fran, it will now be... gracing... a television set near you. That is, if you live in the US. It's 5 minutes of me acting like a complete twit making a puffer fish. So if either of my fans were interested- this is theoretically how I do it. Now you can do it yourself- if you have the will to take the 8 hours involved to do so.
I'd say 'enjoy', but I fear you may just want to hurl things at me and your television in order to make the pain stop. And yes, my voice is that nasal. I'm a catch! I don't know how Steve does it.

Oh, and for those of you in Socialist Canada who don't get the program, I'll see what I can do about maybe getting a friend in the Non-Socialist US to scam me a copy. Because I won't have seen it either.

Headlines-

-Octopus ravages local optometrist office.

-Eight tentacles of terror run amok on city unprepared for 'Act of God'. Unless that god happens to be Cthulhu.

-Titans of Pain invade Yaletown. Small dogs in sweaters and dog-carriages disappear. Supposedly eaten.

-Woman puts 'jelly' back in jellyfish.

Okay, I'm done.

Happy Hallowe'en!

Not just my favourite holiday, but my anniversary with my favourite husband (unlike my least favourite husband. He's a jerk.).
Today is ten years after getting married in Vegas. And while as awesome as a $25.00 pawn shop wedding ring is (with the previous owners' initials still inscribed), my gift from Steve this year is even cooler!

Give a shark a hand

Sharks make me happy. They're such a prehistoric animal, move like poetry, and are an incredible predator. Modern sharks have been around for about 100 million years and the design is so perfect, it hasn't really changed that much since then! They are stunningly gorgeous and sadly very misunderstood and vilified. Thanks, Spielberg. You big Jerk.

So today I am glorifying the fabulous Hammerhead.
Let's get the "Oh, but Adelle, you're so mean! Sharks BITE people. I won't go in the ocean because there are SHARKS there and I'll get eaten!" nonsense aside first.

Stop flattering yourself, sissy-pants! Sure, you may think you look delicious and maybe you are, but the actual chance of you getting bitten is insultingly small. You're more likely to do die from an attack from the LHHL (the Lightning Hates Humans League), than a shark attack. While numbers vary per year, on average there are about 100 shark attacks worldwide per year, and up to 10 of those are fatal. Cunning and malicious destroy-all-humans lightning strikes, however, cause almost 100 deaths per year in the USA ALONE.

I'll take my chances with the sharks, thank you very much. Now that you've been de-sissified and are ready to head back to the water, we'll get back to Hammerheads.

Of the 9 species of Hammerhead Sharks, there are 3 that have been known to nibble on the unwary albeit possibly delicious human once in a while. The Scalloped, Great, and Smooth hammerheads can be dangerous, but not even in the same ball-park as how dangerous humans are to sharks. The Great and Scalloped are on the World Conservation Union's endangered list, and the Smalleye is listed as vulnerable. Now, if you are saying in a whiny voice, "But Adelle! You're so mean! Why should I care if the ocean's largest predators and integral part of the ecosystem is being systematically destroyed by overfishing, finning, and by-catch?", I'm going to slap you and not dignify that with a response. Scientists have been giving the reasons for exactly that for years and nothing I can say can help save the human race if you haven't been paying attention.

Hammerhead Sharks are so named for the flattened hammer shape of their heads that scientists postulate has developed for sensory reception, maneuverability, and/or prey manipulation. And before you say, "But Adelle! They don't even know what it's for?!", shut-up. You wouldn't even get in the water five minutes ago, and now you expect biologists to know everything about sharks? Sheesh. YOU get in there and study them, smarty-pants.

A couple things that make these fish so special is the fact they use internal fertilization (no, I am NOT explaining that to you) unlike other sharks. The female will have a litter of 20-40 live pups after a gestation period of 10-12 months. And what is crazy is, there are rare but documented cases (backed up with DNA evidence) of female sharks reproducing asexually (parthenogenesis). Yes, I will explain that to you- a male isn't required to fertilize the eggs in order for young to develop. Very handy when stuck in an aquarium by yourself.

Hammerheads have the same range of hearing as us, with special emphasis on low-range frequencies, such that a wounded fish might make. They can detect electrical currents in the water that are one-half BILLIONTH of a volt. That's rather small. Kind of like a AA battery with its terminals almost a mile away. Very handy when hunting for stingrays, shrimp, crabs, snails, fish and smaller sharks.

There are so many other cool things about Hammerheads that I could blab on all day, but I need to clean my kitchen. So do a shark a favour and give them your helping hand. Don't eat shark fin soup, shark meat, wear shark leather, or take vitamins with shark liver oil in them. Or if you really have to partake of those things, try to limit your consumption a bit. The oceans would really appreciate it.

Happy Hallowe'en! Oh, and watch out for lightning.

Goblin Sharks

And speaking of bizarre fish, here's one of my favourites- the Goblin Shark. Described by people lucky enough to have seen one as almost "bubblegum pink", these deep sea sharks are identifiable by their extendable jaws and sharp bristling teeth. They sport a blade shaped snout that is much longer than most sharks, and very obvious when the jaws are protruding. They can reach a size of over 10 feet long and live about 200 metres deep. They live on deep sea squid, crabs and fish.

This is one of the first fish I made, but also one of the most handsome. One day he'll make a lucky crazy-person very happy.

Deep Sea Hatchet Fish

Named for their shape, these little beauties range from 1-6 inches, are very thin, and have large upward facing eyes that are thought to be used to locate prey above them. They are vertical migrators, meaning that they swim from the depths to upper waters to hunt. Possibly on plankton and small fish.

And what makes these guys so neat? They sport very fashionable ventral (belly) photophores (bioluminescence. ....They glow. I understand they are very hip with the Raver crowd. If anyone even does that anymore.).

It is thought these fish use their bioluminescence to disrupt their silhuettes from predators below them. And considering Deep Sea Hatchet Fish live at depths from 600-4500 ft, whatever lives beneath them would be worth hiding from. Ersh.

So here are a few pics of some of the Hatchets I've done. They have glow-in-the-dark photophores, and are silvery and glittery. I sometimes make the eyes glow and add an extra bunch of photophores along the side. Why? Because it's spooky. And I felt like it. Argue with that, Cousteau.

I think after puffers, hatchets are the fish I make most often. And after every one I swear I'll never make another.

Gulper Eels...

are just plain cool.

Not much is known about these deep sea dwellers (it's thought the adults typically live at depths 6500 ft and deeper), aside from the obvious- what a crazy design!
They range from around 2-6 feet in length, with most of that being tail. They have a fairly flabby body, which may mean they not great swimmers, and a glowing red spot on the tail which may be used as a lure. I guess when your mouth is that big, the fish, shrimp, and plankton these guys eat comes to them.

Due to popular demand...

More pics of the mighty squid hat! Shame she grew out of it so quickly.

For Will & Heidi

From the Dias De Los Muertos show at Boomerang a couple years ago.
Does your house still smell like coffee? I soaked that bad boy.

For Julie.

Yes. That's YOU, Julie.
Julie Lundman. The Julie who is kicking my butt and telling me not to be lazy and start posting. Have I mentioned her name? Julie. Jul-ie Lund-man. Who has fabulous taste in handbags. Yes, THAT Julie.

Not remotely fishy

But funny!
http://garfieldminusgarfield.tumblr.com/

What do you know.

Here I have the Big Ugly Fishies blog and none of my fish on it.

The top is a picture of the only puffer I've ever kept for myself- Crackhead Bill. I initially intended for him to be a happy guy with not much going on in his head, a little circus music perhaps, but not much more. As his personality evolved, he just sort of turned a little more miserable. I think the circus music is still playing, but he'll swallow your soul if you're not watching.

Second is a picture of Clarence. My all-time favourite puffer who got sold before I realized I'd regret it all my days. There have been a couple other versions of Clarence since, but none seem to capture the menace of my dearest buddy. I often wonder who bought him and just how much havoc has he spread since leaving the safe confines of my locked art cabinet.
The last is a pic of Clarence and Zombie being jerks. Nuff said.

Finally!

Okay, so I've learned a few things in the last couple months-
-Laser eye surgery is hell on earth
-If there's a statistic involved, I'm going to be it.
-Santa gives not only lovely gifts and coal for Christmas, but has been known to deliver the Norwalk Virus as well.

So apologies to everyone who has missed me. And by that, I mean Ricky The Magic Pixie, the only person who reads this.

Still chugging away on Gregangelo's 'Pandora's lunchbox'. Admittedly I haven't had much time to work on it with being out for a month with the eye stuff, Maddie getting sick and my Grandfather passing away. But I'm back on it which feels great. No pics yet, but I do have the sketch I did for my Grandpa's memorial card.

Turns out that aside from being a bugger to the grandchildren, he once was a funny adventurous monkey himself. I drew him as I imagined him as a kid with one of his great horned owls (he had two) and his 'hunting cat' (the dog hated him, but the cat accompanied him wherever he went), thinking about snacking on his favourite fruit (apricot) and goin' fishin'. Not overly happy with how it turned out, but hey.

A couple thoughts on laser eye surgery....

Yes, I finally did it. After ruining more glasses than I can count with paint, resin, and a small creature named Maddie, I started my research and found that the clinics in Vancouver have great technology and have many many happy customers. I did a goodly amount of research- these are my eyes after all and how would I inflict my thought processes on an unsuspecting world without them?
Anyway, in my research of people who chose to have the surgery, I found that there seemed to be two camps. The first had absolutely no pain and little discomfort. The other camp prayed for death to come swiftly and wanted to gouge their eyes out with a runcible spoon to make the pain stop.
I'm kind of in the middle. While I'm not at the spoon-gouging level, I'm certainly ready not to feel wretched anymore. Ridiculously sensitive to light (it's been 5 days and I still can't stand the blinds open or to look at the computer screen), the drops I have to use cause more pain than my eyes are experiencing, which is a stinging- it feels like I constantly have grit under my contacts. In one way it's kind of neat because most of the day it looks like I'm looking through milk, although one not-neat thing is my eyes refuse to stay pointed in one directions at times. Like how newborns can be looking straight at a person with one eye, while the other has spotted a shiny object 3 blocks away. I'd be the perfect super villain right now. Grumpy, gooey, half blind, eyes swiveling all over, and afraid to come out unless under cover of darkness.

apparently it gets better.

cool bugs

Went to an amazing craft fair the other day. Well over 200 hundred booths and this blew me away- not one was for a corporation that I could tell. No signing up with Well's Fargo, no insurance brokers, no cars for sale. It was all art! I never saw anything remotely similar in all my years in California! And the quality was incredible- it was more than crafts, it was craftsmanship. There were only a couple booths that were kind of so-so. So I ran around like a rabid Fizzgig, Sammy Hagar hair bouncing around in the wind. One of the coolest things I saw was a guy making bugs out of metal and stained glass. One will soon be replacing a fish on my wall because there was no way I was leaving without one!
Bugs are of course, my number one favourite thing. Fish are a close second, but my true love is bugs. And in honour of bugs I'm posting the site of an awesome artist who does amazing work in California
www.patrick-e.com

Also, here's the guy whose work I bought at the craft fair- The site isn't up yet, but I'm hoping it'll be soon. His wife does amazing shirts with her super cool characters embroidered on them. I'll be asking for one for Christmas!
www.theloungecollection.com

And here's a pic of one of the bugs I made while having a rare but wonderful art day with Petaluma artist Richard Benbrook. A fabulous artist, poet and crazy-man, one day I'll have one of his pieces in my house too. He sadly doesn't have a website. Oh, actually I'll post a pic of my favourite of his pieces- a jackrabbit. In any case, the bug is just a beetle and he's a candy dish. My first try at carving foam and using this crazy latex-y type stuff.
He's going to kill me when he sees I've posted his pic. HA!